1/15/2012
The Jew, the Hindu and the petri dish: East Bay rabbi and her husband find joy in Indian surrogacy. Having kids in the 21st century can be a real adventure. Let me elaborate with the epic tale of Rabbi Jennifer Flam and her “rebbetzman” — me — who traveled from our East Bay home to the other side of the world, and back, to have our children.
This is also the tale of the doctor who sets the golden standard for how the surrogacy industry should be regulated — a hot topic, especially when it concerns the Third World.
In 2008, we were ready to start a family. Getting pregnant was the easy part. What followed, not so much.
After recurrent miscarriages, the damage was done. Physically. Emotionally. Spiritually. We were pretty much ready to give up on having our own biological children. However, after consulting with a reproductive specialist, we were told that surrogacy was one of our two best options. Either that, or adoption.
Surrogacy? We figured “Wow, this is amazing! Using a gestational carrier would provide us with an incredible opportunity to have our own biological children.”
Then we looked at the price tag. True, you can't put a price on children. But in the case of surrogacy, there's a reason why the only people who can afford it are celebrities and multi-gazillionaires.
So we started looking into adoption. Went to some meetings. Researched domestic and international options. Filled out applications. We were in the middle of the process when the agency we were working with misplaced our file.
Then, through our Jewish social network, we met a Berkeley couple that had success with surrogacy. They were now the proud parents of an adorable little girl. Neither the wife nor her husband were celebrities or multi-gazillionaires, so how was this possible?
Oprah Winfrey. In a 2006 episode of her syndicated television show, Oprah featured a fertility-challenged couple from the United States that traveled to the tiny town of Anand, India, in order to conceive.
Anand is where, since 2002, Dr. Nayna Patel has helped struggling couples from all over the world achieve biological parenthood through her phenomenal Akanksha Infertility and IVF Clinic.
Indian surrogacy is not without its critics. The major complaint is the lack of regulation by the Indian government.
But doesn't every industry need to be regulated? Of course. Are parts of India the “Third World”? Sure. But it's very easy for Western journalists staying in their five-star hotels to paint a picture of India using “Slumdog Millionaire” stereotypes. The reality on the ground is not always that black-and-white.
Dr. Patel's philosophy is women helping women. The monies provided for women who choose to participate in the program as gestational carriers can significantly transform their lives and the lives of their families for the better.